i miss you so much that it hurts so bad inside. i feel so.. empty without you. idk how i’m ever going to get over you. this makes me so mad. i keep thinking about you everyday hoping that today will be the day that we will talk again. i look at pictures of you and a big smile comes across my face. it sounds crazy i know, but i don’t wna give up on us. but at this rate, i know i have to. i know you want nothing to do with me. i guess we’re really actually done now. whatever is meant to be, will be right?
but i shouldn’t even be complaining. i told myself that when this year started, i had to give you up. i guess i was caught by surprise because apparently you’ve given me up too. my heart doesn’t know what to feel anymore. it aches. it wants to love someone. it needs love in return. i know i’m suppose to think of all the bad stuff you’ve done, which is honestly a lot more than good, but i can’t keep it in my head long enough. i must REALLY be in love with you. it pains me to know that you’re no longer in love with me, or if you were even in love with me. i hate how i’m so damn attached to you. it makes no sense to me.
why is it that everytime i think about you, the song “someone like you” starts to play? it`s weird. it makes me feel weird. there’s not much i can really do anymore when it comes to you. you`re always gna treat me worse than i deserve. for some dumb reason, i won`t ever stop loving you. i can never stop wanting to talk to you everyday. i want to talk to you right now. i wish that you would want to talk to me too. but i know that the second i start to forget about you, you start to talk to me. fuck you.
fuck this.
love sucks </3
why do you do this to me? you start talking to me and then you stop out of nowhere. like idk if you’re trying to play games with me or what but it`s fckn annoying. like last nite you asked me about my address and then you stopped responding. and a few hours ago you start talking to me out of nowhere and when i asked what you were doing, you never responded. wtf is this shit! are you testing me? if you do this one more time, i`m gna stop talking to you! i can’t stand this. grow up bro.
i seriously don’t get how this works. you say hi to me when i least expect it and it confuses me! it`s like, why are you saying hi now? and you don’t say anything else afterwards. idk man. I MISS YOU. that is all.
so you were sexting me wednesday (1/11) morning and i was just going with it. like i said in the last post, we haven’t talked for days and just talking to you at all made me happy. it was through WWF so i didn’t think you were serious or anything. but then you started asking for pix and for some reason, i actually sent you some videos. stupid stupid stupid me! i haven’t done that in FOREVER. i was that desperate to talk to you. it’s sad. you liked what i sent and you asked for more. i actually gave you more too. but then i was asking you to send me some and you never did. wtf! that’s not fair at all! and now i feel soooo freaking dumb to send you all that! fuck! i thought that it would make us talk again, but if anything, it made us even more distant. i tried talking to you thursday morning to see what was up since you didn’t send me any videos, and you actually responded. but not in a happy way. you were online shopping and you showed me what you were buying and that shit was expensive. i started crying because there you were spending money like crazy while i’m over here broke as hell. you’re changing. and sad to say, it’s not in a good way. but it’s not like i can do anything. we’re growing more apart everyday. later today, i decided that i was gna go to the bay. it was suppose to be spontaneous with la but let’s be real, i wanted to see you too. things didn’t really work out all that well. you were already gna be hanging with your friends so it wasn’t exactly fair for me to just but in out of nowhere. but i kept in touch n you texted me about everywhere you were gna go. i felt like it wouldn’t have been a good day to see you. which was true because if i did see you and your friends, i felt like you wouldn’t have talked to me anyways which would have pissed me off to the max. plus, you were with your 2 girl friends that you think are hott and if i was there, you totally would have compared and it would have killed me. so yeah. fate is trying to tell us that we shouldn’t be together or even see each other anymore. that’s okay though. i shouldn’t expect much. pluss, i’m suppose to be giving you up and i still haven’t. i knew this was going to be hard, but i didn’t know how hard until right now. i miss you. i miss the old you. i miss the you that i saw last month. that you is a lot better than the you today. but who am i to judge? it’s not like it even matters anymore. i loved you with all my heart. but now i must let that go. i must let you go. for good. it really pains my heart to type this because i know it’s the right thing to do. the only thing to do in something like this. i never thought we would end. like i knew we would have our downs, but this is just deep down that i don’t think it can be fixed. i loved you b. i still love you. but i`ll learn not to love you anymore. my heart can’t take this. i wish you the best. i will love you always and forever<3, i promise.
i guess you’re ignoring me now? or you just don’t want to talk to me. i texted you yesterday and you didn’t respond at all. before that, we were lightweight texting on the 3rd and that was the last time i heard from you. what’s happening? i thought you were busy until i saw that you were still playing WWF with me. like seriously? can’t respond to my texts but you can play a game with me? this shit is ridiculous. i know i probably shouldn’t, but i’m giving you until school starts to still prove yourself. i know it’s hopeless cuz if you aren’t talking to me now, what’s going to make you come all the way over here? but i guess we’ll just have to see. i miss you so damn much. but i guess you don’t feel the same. damn. already starting the year off in confusion. but if nothing gets better in the next 8 days, then i guess that’s it for us.
i finally gave in and texted you wednesday nite (12/28). i just really missed you &couldn’t stand us not talking. i even said that i missed you. you didn’t really respond to that and it bugged me. so i asked if you ever miss me. you said yeah or that you think about me from time to time. you didn’t really tell me what it is you thought about, but i wasn’t going to pry anymore. you said you were going to be in sac on the 1st n that you were going to stop by. we texted a lil bit more til you went to sleep. you ended up calling me in the AMs and we talked for a bit. you even texted me a few times throughout the day.
it is now 2012. i said if you didn’t make any effort to stay in my life, that i would cut you out. and i’m not talking about giving me music or whatever. i need you to show me that you can be a real friend. but since you said that you would be in sac today, i decided to give you until today to prove yourself to me. but you didn’t really mention sac again so i’m guessing i won’t see you today. and if i don’t… then i’m done. i’m not going another year like this dude. less than 10 hours left to prove yourself to me. i hope this ends on a good note..
i’m tired. it gets exhausting just thinking about you now. i’m done. i thought that maybe i should hit you up just to say hi and see if things are okay, but i have no real reason to do that at all. i know you have no problem hitting me up first, &you still haven’t even really responded to my last couple texts, so something is up. if this continues, come 2012, you’re gone. you were an amazing memory. but i guess now that memory must stay as that. 4 more days. i’m praying that you’ll care in that time. but a big part of me knows that that’s not going to happen. oh well. maybe now i’ll be appreciated the way i always should have been.
REAL TALK; i’m hurt.
i feel like you’re purposely not talking to me. what did i do? was it the relationship status thing? i left it up for about 10+ hours. goshh. the things i do when i’m jealous :/ but then why aren’t you talking to me? it shouldn’t bother you. it didn’t before. i sent you a pic message n you didn’t reply. i sent you a christmas text and you didn’t reply. ouch much? you always have your phone on you and you always respond. so what the fck up? you have 6 days b. i swear, if i don’t get something from you in that time, i’m cutting you loose. i refuse to start the new year with all this confusion. i mean i know we had our talk or whatever, but it ended off as us being close friends. idk what that means to you, but i talk to my close friends pretty much every day. so step your fckn game up. i’m gna try n not contact you this whole week either. you can’t possibly be too busy to not hit me up at least once. i’m tryna be calm about this n believe you’ll eventually come around, but if you don’t, we’re dunzo.
i love you asshole. officially 6 days from now we’ll see if we’re still friends..
i don’t know why i changed my relationship status. i read the comments between you and that girl. it broke my heart. i felt like the only way for me to hurt you was like this. lame, i know. but i feel that as long as you think i’m not going to be here for you, you’re going to want me more. i have a really fucked up way of thinking. but if this didn’t make you feel anything, then that means i need to just move on. you don’t care. i want 2012 to come already so i don’t have to ponder if you think about me or anything. i`m still giving you a week. but i’m not sure how successful you’ll be if you think i’m in a relationship. but we’ll see.. ugh. the games i play.
