either that or i just miss the thought of having a bf. i mean you were my only real bf that i count and that was 6 years ago. so im not sure exactly what it is im missing. i just feel really lonely and i hate it. i feel like im moved on from you but then im always thinking about our future. for some stupid frckn reason, im hoping that you’ll realize im the one and we can finally be together again. i feel pathetic. i feel like im never gna be with anyone again. i feel like im going to be single for a really long time. i really want someone to be with when winter rolls around. i wna go xmas shopping for my significant other. i want a damn kiss on midnight when it hits a new year. i want a damn valentine that will give me beautiful flowers and go out on a romantic date with. im just so fckn ready to be in a relationship already but i feel like it’s not going to happen. ever. i just dont feel like im ever going to feel that happiness again. that feeling of love. that feeling of being in love. of fighting. of crying. of being insanely happy. being able to trust someone. be so comfortable with someone. i just really want to be a girlfriend again. the longer im not going to be one, the more im totally not gna know how to be one. the more im not going to trust anyone. the more im just not gna care about guys. the more i’ll sit at home all day sad about being alone. idk. i hate this. i’ve been single for so damn long. i think i deserve some happiness right about now. anything. anyone. geez. i want to talk to someone on the phone for so long that we both fall asleep and wake up and the other is still there. i want to cuddle with someone. i want to say “i love you more” a million times. i want to kiss someone as much as i want. i want to hug someone as much as i want. i want to fight with someone just to make up and love each other so much more afterwards. i want to fall asleep with someone and wake up and have them still be there. i just want everything a relationship has to offer. so freakin bad! but i guess i’ll just have to STILL patiently wait until the day my guy will come. i need to stop missing you b. it doesn’t help my loneliness. it doesnt help my heart. it doesnt help my mind. when we dont talk, i miss you dearly. when we do talk, it makes me think why i even missed you in the first place lol. idk. i guess this time apart is good for me. pluss, i want you to miss me. i know you’ll never really say that until its been a long time. so we’ll see how long we go without talking.
please god. send me the boy of my dreams soon? i promise i’ll be good to him &love him as best i could. thanks.
