I’ll use tumblr as a way to vent as if I was talking to you. I mean since I stopped blogging about what I’ve been doing, I need to blog about something. So here it goes:
April 3:
[AM] i so desperately want to believe that i can be happy without you. and when i say without you, i mean not being in each others lives at all. no facebook, no texts, and no contact at all. everytime we start to get into one of our fights and i say i dont want to talk to you anymore, it feels right and i feel good about it right after, but then a few days later i start to regret it. i start to get sad that i have no part in your life at all. i mean we’re not exactly close anymore but so much time was invested into us that it seems like such a shame to just let it all go now. its contradicting. im telling you, my heart and my head just dont get along. i hate it. i hate you. i hate you for treating me like crap. i hate you for giving me false hope.
i can’t deny that i miss you. i always miss you. i’m the one always missing you and you never miss me. sucks. how did it get to this? i read an old IM of yours and you said you saw us “enjoying life together as long as we live”. i want to believe that what you said was true. i want to believe that all of these obstacles are meant for us to overcome. there HAS to be a REASON why we always kept each other involved in the other’s life. im just afraid that you’ve already let go of that.
